So, a Jashinist Walks Into an Artist's House
by toocoldoutsideforangelstoflyx
Summary: Deidara just wants this storm to end. Hidan wants Deidara to join his religion. Things get a little crazy and some hilarity ensues.


First multichapter fic! Review and rate please! I would appreciate tips as well as critiques.

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime or manga series Naruto.

Warning: Contains graphic language, adult scenes/lemony goodness, yaoi, and a little AU.

Pairings: SasoDei, KakuHida, PeinKonan, KisaIta, and ZetTobi.

Description:

Deidara just wants this storm to end. Hidan wants Deidara to join his religion. Things get a little crazy and some hilarity ensues.

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"Go away, un!" Deidara pleads with the not-so-much Jehovah's Witness. "I don't want to join Johnism or whatever. Just leave!"

Awestruck by this feminine mans ignorance Hidan not so much as blinks before going off on the man, "What the fuck? Johnism? Seriously?! It's Jashinism you dumb ass! And this fucking storm isn't stopping so you should let me the fuck in at least until the weather clears up. There IS a fucking tornado watch and I'm not getting caught in that shit. Immortal or not, it sucks being in a fucking tornado. There was this one time when I got caught in one on my drive home from-"

This man was really pissing Deidara off so he screamed to get him to shut up, "FINE, UN! Just get in here and shut up, yeah?! Some people are trying to sleep!" As soon as he had said that, a man with red hair started to stir from his nap on the couch.

"What the hell is it, brat? I'm trying to sleep." The redhead moaned out in a sleep-deprived voice.

"Hello, sir. I'm here to try and get as many fuckers as possible to join Jashinism and you should join. There is only one God, Almighty God of death, Jashin! And you will finally quench your thirst for blood-" Hidan was cut off by the kunai whirring past his head. He had thought it missed the mark until he looked into the man's eyes and discovered that he was just warning him.

"Danna, un! This guy won't freaking leave! I've tried everything and he will not go!" Deidara whined. He was starting to get really angry. Almost angry enough to blow something up. He reached into his pocket to get some C-4 clay whenever he heard,

"Brat I swear to God-" Hidan corrected him, "Jashin." The man continued, "Whatever. If you get us kicked out of another house I will poison you in your sleep! Put your explosives down. Now." Seeing his danna that angry, he knew that he meant business. He might have been his best friend but he could be pretty vicious. Deidara turned his head toward Hidan and nodded at the door, which he promptly followed the silent order and shut behind him.

"Sasori, why don't you call Kisame?! He's friendly. He'll take him! And he'd probably be happy we found him a friend other than weasel-face." Deidara pouted. He hated Jehovah Witnesses but this was too much. A religion based on death? Too much. He needed to go to bed and Pein asked that they be at the hideout at around midnight tomorrow and walking from Iwa was a long trip.

"Brat, I'm not bothering Kisame with this. Bother Kakuzu, he's your friend and he took my puppets and sold them. He owes me BIG time." Sasori seethed still royally pissed at his miser of a "friend."

Deidara thought for a moment. Kakuzu was sure to be up still at this hour and it would be funny to see him mad. He grabbed his phone and motioned for Hidan to sit down. Walking into the kitchen he hit #6 on speed dial and got a hold of him on the third ring. After explaining the events that transpired Kakuzu screamed into the phone, "TELL FIRE CROTCH I'LL GET HIM BACK! I'LL SELL EVERYTHING!-" Now, Deidara was a patient man. But at this point he just pulled the phone away from his ear and called Sasori into the kitchen to deal with it.

"Kakuzu, you will take this kid and I might just forget about my missing puppets. Just please come here and get him. Uh-uh. Yeah, well he's being a brat and won't just make him leave. Yes. Okay, Kakuzu. See you in a bit. Bye." He hung the phone up and walked into the living room leaving a dumbfounded blonde in the kitchen.

"OI! Fuckers, you can't just give me away! This guy could be an axe murderer. What the hell?" Hidan raged. Seeing as they wouldn't listen to him he decided to pack his shit so this 'Kakuzu' could take him back to the temple.

Sasori rubbed his head. Why him? What had he ever done? Well, he did kill a lot of people without remorse or mercy. But that shouldn't count, right?

In about ten minutes there was a knock on the door, causing Deidara to jump up to answer it. "Hey, Kakuzu, yeah." Deidara said, smiling at the fact that his headache would be leaving soon and he and Sasori could play some bowling on the Wii in peace.

Kakuzu was by no means a vain person. He certainly didn't care much for his appearance and he hated everyone equally no matter their looks. But when he laid his eyes on the man sitting at the table he instantly was glad to even be in the room. He was so beautiful. Silver hair and magenta eyes that he could stare into for hours. Instantly, he forgave everything the man ever did in his life. It didn't matter. He was an angel.

That was until he opened his mouth and said, "Hey, fucker! Are you that 'Kakuzu' guy here to give me a ride? Let's go then! I don't wanna wait here all damn day. Hey old man, are you listening?!"

Now the only thing that Kakuzu felt was anger. How rude! He's lucky he doesn't get thrown in the damn storm!

Kakuzu only glared then pointed to the door for Hidan to exit. They got into his car after a goodbye (Aka: Being thrown out of the house by Deidara) and he backed up.

"Where are you going?" Kakuzu asked not even attempting to cover-up his annoyance. He almost wished he hadn't sold Sasori's puppets. Almost.

"The Jashin temple. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the goddamn bed? You sound pretty fucking pissed." Hidan mused. This guy was very manly. And unfortunately (or fortunately, for yaoi fans.) Hidan was very gay. He has always known he was attracted to manly men from the moment he was born. And Kakuzu fit the bill. He had stitches covering his huge, tan arms and was roughly 6'7 with a very burly build. He thought he was damn hot.

"Actually, I was ABOUT to go to bed whenever I was called to pick YOU up. You should be grateful fire crotch wasn't in a worse mood or you'd be dead." Kakuzu sighed.

"For one: Who the hell is firecrotch?" Hidan asked, "And two: I'm immortal. Can't die. Because of the great lord, Jashin-"

"I don't want to hear about your stupid God. And firecrotch is Sasori. The one with the red hair. We call him that because he's a moody ginger. As for you being immortal, that'd probably be worse. He would test poisons on you and probably try to kill you, everyday." Kakuzu muttered as he took the turn Hidan had pointed out a few meters back.

Hidan burst out laughing. Firecrotch? That was a good one. He would definitely have to use that one in the future with moody, ginger homeowners not accepting of Jasin.

Kakuzu could feel all five hearts beating fast. Even his laugh was beautiful. But his personality was not. He was annoying and rude. If he were in the akatsuki he'd get killed. Wait a minute. This kid doesn't know he's in the akatsuki probably! Shit, if Pein found out they were talking with strangers he would kill them!

Hidan turned to him and said, "Man that was a great one! Holy fuck! Firecrotch?! Oh my Jesus fuck!" He was laughing so hard he almost had a heart attack whenever Kakuzu turned the wheel abruptly making him hit his head on the dash.

Hidan pouted and seethed, "Damnit! That hurt!" while he glared at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu found it kind of cute that he was pouting and glaring at the same time. How contradicting was that? But despite the feeling that was building up in him from Hidan's small giggles to his smell of blood and some clone he couldn't quite place, he shot down any feelings of attraction to this man. He was a ninja in the akatsuki. Emotions would only lead to turmoil and failures.

The silver haired religious man has gotten himself into quite the conundrum. He didn't want to leave this warm car and he sure as hell didn't want to leave this God among men. He was gorgeous and so mysterious. It seemed as though he had quite the intricate past and Hidan loved to get to know people. Despite his vulgar language and his denying the fact, he gets really close to everyone.

Stretching his arm out the window, Kakuzu involuntarily flexed his muscles. It was only a second but Hidan noticed. He was built! Not only was that attractive to Hidan, it also added more to the mystery. How did he get those muscles? Heavy labor? Lifting weights? A lot of sex? Hidan slapped himself over that thought. It was not the time nor place to be thinking those thoughts. Kakuzu noticed that Hidan had gone quiet. Kakuzu thought that he was a lot nicer when he shut his pretty mouth.

As much as Kakuzu does not want to admit it, he wanted to become at least a friend to this guy ever since he met him. He is very attractive and actually seems to have a good sense of humor. He looked down and noticed that his gas light was on. He sighed and inwardly bitched about the price of gas and gas-hogging cars.

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Author space:

To be continued if it is well liked, so please review!

& Thanks for reading.


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